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MIAMS – Supporting Parents through separation and divorce with Mediation.
MIAMS – Supporting Parents through separation and divorce with Mediation.
Divorce can be a very complicated situation for both parents and children. It can cause considerable anxiety and can be very hard to deal with at first. Even if you have reached a mutual decision to separate mediation is a good way to resolve your problems.
Children are anxious if their parents are going to divorce. The family unit is usually their source of stability and now their future seems unstable and uncertain. It is very important that parents should try to reassure children that although things may have changed, that their parents are still working together to achieve a sense of continuity for them. The division of parents into two separate households can be a particular cause for concern.
One way in which you can help children to cope with the changes associated with divorce or separation is to continue with old habits and routines. Children like a sense of certainty and they can gain from proper scheduling and organisation.
You should think about the daily routines that your child has expected in the past and try to maintain these patterns. Think about things such as children’s bedtime routines, journeys to and from school and maintaining children’s friendships and other social links.
Children appreciate honesty when talking to them about your ex-partner. However, it is important that you consider your child’s age when you are discussing these issues with them. You need to be sensitive to the child in all circumstances, thinking about their needs and feelings.
Some ideas for talking about the process of separation with your children are:-
Talk to the children together, when both parties are parents.
Do not ascribe blame to either party. Children do not like to hear criticisms of their parents.
It is best to speak to the children before you change living arrangements. This gives them time to adjust to the new situation.
Talk to children about changes to their routine.
Try not to argue in front of the children. You are bound to have disagreements but it is very important that children see that you can sort out your problems as responsible adults.
Try to think of yourselves as co- parents, rather than as ex-partners.
As stated above, do not disparage your ex-partner in front of your children. Try to keep the conversation civil.
It should be your priority to eventually make discussions and conversations with your partner as reasonable as possible.
In reducing the damage that divorce and separation can do to children, legal solutions are not necessarily the best route. Legal proceedings can be adversarial and can lead to more disputes and disagreements between parents. As an alternative, mediation is a much more sensitive process. It is certainly in the best interests of parents, and children, to consider mediation.
General information about Mediation, Please click the links below to find out more info:
Family’s are deeply affected by divorce or separation, especially when there are children in the family. Often these painful situations can be helped with the supportof a mediator who will hold a Mediation Information Assessment Meeting or MIAM. A MIAM can guide communication and set the tone for the goals of mediation.
When attending a court proceeding on the matter, the family will need to present an FM1 (Family Mediation 1 form) which confirms that a MIAM has been held.
As of April 2014, significant changes were made to the judicial system regarding separation and divorces, particularly where children were involved. These changes ensure that the welfare of the children is paramount, with minimal impact on the children and as little negativity as possible. One of the major changes was a requirement for a mediation session or MIAM to be attended before any court proceedings to do with financial or custody matters (hence the need for a FM1 to be produced).
If the split is acrimonious and both parties find it difficult to be in the same room, as would happen with face to face mediation, it is possible to ask for shuttle mediation.
Shuttle sessions happen when the two parties are seated in separate rooms either virtually or physically and the mediator shuttles between the two, discussing issues and offering solutions.
Shuttle mediation is often a good solution with distance between the parties allowing for rational and reasoned thinking.
MIAMS Lambeth Mediators can also help with will disputes: resolving issues between and coming to an acceptable compromise to the conflict that arises as a result of separation.